


Maybe

by BlanketOfDeath



Category: Marvel, Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Avengers: Endgame (Movie) Spoilers, M/M, Post-Canon Fix-It, Steve Rogers Needs a Hug
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-18
Updated: 2019-05-18
Packaged: 2020-03-07 09:12:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 982
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18870184
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BlanketOfDeath/pseuds/BlanketOfDeath
Summary: There are things that need to be said, things that need to be heard.





	Maybe

**Author's Note:**

> No, I'm not okay after Endgame and I didn't know what else to do with my feels.  
> It's been a long time since I last wrote and published anything. I'd love to hear your thoughts on this!  
> Enjoy!

"When you see this, it means that there are things I couldn’t tell you up until now. There are things you need to do, Cap. This thing we’re doing? Messing with time? You need to look out for changes. Subtle and big ones. Time travel always comes with a price. Talk to the magician. Banner said his mentor knew a lot. You need to make sure _nothing_ can undo this or make way for something bigger and worse to come your way.  
Time travel _always_ comes with consequences. Make sure this tech doesn’t fall into the wrong hands. F.R.I.D.A.Y. can help destroy it and the magician with everything else, as I said."

He got up and leaned forward as if to end the recording mumbling to himself "that was quicker than I thought". Then he looked straight ahead. Straight into Steve’s eyes. It made Steve shiver. They were on eye-to-eye level like this.

"I guess.. I’m recording this because I expected something to happen, right? Maybe.. just maybe.."

He pursed his lips and straightened his back, still crouching in front of the recorder. A pen of sorts between his fingers which he played with restlessly.

"In case something bad happens. Or, you know, something good? Maybe the good requires for something bad to happen first. You know how it is. As long as everyone is back and healthy and we can heal no sacrifice is big enough.  
In any event, I should use this chance. Who knows if I will get any other."

He took a deep breath and then continued in his normal voice.

"When I was younger, I adored you. I looked up to Captain America. I knew everything about you that there was to know. I wanted to know you. Be just like you. I loved you. I hated you. I wanted to erase you, get rid of you. And sometimes all of those things at the same time. Howard, you know, he never stopped talking about you. Comparing his son to Captain America. Thank you for that, by the way." He pointed the pen directly at Steve and then looked away for a second. "And then I actually _met you_. A naïve and idealistic man. Stubborn. Proud. And oh, so so righteous.  
I had no idea why Howard had idolized you the way he did. It was infuriating and disappointing. There was no trusting you. Until push came to shove and things changed, and I actually did trust you."

He shifted his weight slightly, looking down and hesitating to continue, his voice low but sincere.

"There are things that happened between us. Things only you and I can know. Things we said and did." He looked up again and sighed. "Why are you so damn trustworthy. This is all your fault, you know? Who could resist those big blue eyes and that soft precious smile! You, with your broad shoulders and big hands. You, who made me feel so safe when you held me. _Every time_ you did. Wrapping your arms around me tight. So tight. You took up all the space, in my bed, my mind and in my heart and made me forget that the rest of the world even still existed."

He looked back up. Something in his eyes had changed. He looked heavier than before and paused for a moment.

"Why did we split? Why didn’t you stay? Why did we ever fight? Doesn’t it seem ridiculous looking back now? As we try to undo what Thanos did? Had we never fought we could have been prepared for something like this, don’t you think?  
That’s my biggest regret, Cap. This is all on us. Me. And you. _Us_. And we have to make up for it. Better me than you, of course. The world can’t lose Captain America again. _I_ can’t lose you again. Watch you go. Watch you disappear."

His facial expressions softened again and he seemed to let go of some built-up tension.

"You have been part of my life for as long as I remember. And you’re so much more than you think you are. So much more important to the people around you. So important to _me_."

"I hope history will be kind to me despite what I’ve done to the heroes of our time. All I ever did was trying to protect us and the rest of the world. I just never thought it would mean giving up on everything I’ve ever wanted.  
And out of all the things that I missed during the last few years without you? What I missed the most about you, do you know what’s on the top of that list? Both of us wide awake in the middle of the night after reliving something terrible in our nightmares. Finding our way to each other. Seeing you across the lab with your ridiculous sketchbook drawing things into it. The sound of the pencil scraping on the paper. That wrinkle between your brows you get when you focus."  
He smiled genuinely, his eyes darker than before. Steve traced the space between his brows instinctively. He did?

"I hope you can find happiness in this new future. Maybe even a life in this brave new world?" He got up and laughed as he stretched.

"I think it’s about enough you’ve heard of me. If you’re even still listening. Maybe I just needed to get it off my chest, closure and all that. My therapist would be thrilled to hear that I learned something.  
Anyways.  
What I’m trying to say is: Captain, my Captain." He laughed at his own joke but got serious again just as fast. "Take care, Steve. Protect what needs protecting. Help the world recover. Whatever it costs. Whatever it takes."  
He saluted sloppily and winked into the camera before the recording ended and the room went dark again.


End file.
